Passions

Remember that crazy soap opera? With the dwarf and the witch, and the really really awful story lines? Aren't ya glad that isn't what I am blogging about tonight? Yeah, me too.

I haven't posted to the blog in a week or so. I have a rule that apologizing for not blogging is verboten. Less blogging = more living. Except today, it happens to be relevant to what I am writing. (PS. prepare for the blog spam influx, I plan to catch up tomorrow). I haven't been blogging because I have been crafting, knitting, sewing and painting for Christmas. I open up my own little sweatshop each year. I keep trying to introduce child labor to my little venture, but the kids run too fast and they are on to me. I heard Chloe trying to unionize yesterday.

You would think it would be such a huge pain. For the benefit of my family I do kvetch often at this time of year, but mostly that is just to induce a little appreciation in them. Honestly, I love it. I think maybe I need that creativity too. But I don't often get it.

Its as though I have two women living inside of me. A little schizophrenic, but its a metaphor. One is a Mommy and a wife. Her very heart beats in time to the needs of her family. She is totally willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of her family, including herself. The other woman seeks creativity. Writing, painting, crafting are all her life's blood; but they are also solitary pursuits usually that don't mesh well with screaming children. Over here we have screaming children in spades. They are cute, often funny, but LOUD.

At this time of year the creative part of my whines a bit. "Why can't we take a class here? or join that new writer's group?". I have to break the news to her: Brian is an awesome, supportive husband, with an ungodly random schedule. And unfortunately, the babysitters down here are crack addicts who need to support an expensive habit. It really is the only explanation I can find for the rates they charge.

So we have eeked out an uneasy truce between all of us. Now is the season for growing children, the time passes like sand through my hands. I can't put this on hold, because I would never be able to recapture it. Now I am equipping them to live their dreams, helping them discover themselves (I hope). So creative chick goes on the back burner for now, and she has to take her outlets where she can get them: the blog, sewing, dying parts of her hair purple, evenings of crafting once the hooligans are in bed. And that is good enough for now. She isn't forgotten. Sometime in the future there will be plenty of time for locking myself in the craft room and pulling all nighters.