No...no, its not you.... its me. How many times have those words been said in human history? It really doesn't matter whether I was the one receiving the rejection, or having to break it off with a heavy heart. For this thankful Thursday hosted by Spiritually Unequal Marriage I am thankful for all the times things didn't work out. It sounds like an odd thing to be thankful for, and at the time of rejection I was most definitely NOT thankful, not one little bit. I was hurt, upset, angry but thankful wasn't even in the top ten. But for each time a relationship with a love, a friend, a job, or an institution didn't work out.. I am thankful.
Now that I am not in the middle or trapped in the thick of the pain, I can look back on each and see the larger plan and the purpose. Each time I have walked away with lessons I am not sure I would have learned any other way.
- I learned that it is never a good idea to react immediately, especially if I am angry. I could be a total weirdo, but anger and hurt mask my real feelings, and what I really think. Choosing not to react in anger prevents the regret hangover later.
- I am quirky, and this is okay. I don't need to assimilate, I can be me. I have actual proof that there are other women who love to read the same things I do, and play video games, and channel their inner twelve year old regularly!!! Who knew? AND we get to call this stuff "girl time"!
- Dr. Seuss really was right, "Be who you are, and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind".
- I learned more about who I am, what is important to me, what is a deal breaker to me, what I really want from a relationship, or institution. I don't think I would have gained that knowledge any other way. I am so thankful that now I have a better sense of my self.
- Knowing what I am looking for in a relationship and having a better knowledge of myself has made the relationships I have more fulfilling and I am so very thankful for those relationships in my life with family and friends. I can only hope I add as much to theirs.
- I am convinced after a few go rounds that it is better to eliminate toxic people than to try to accommodate them. What is toxic for one person, might not be such a big deal for someone else. Its somewhat subjective, but trying to stay in a toxic relationship will suck your soul away, and your time, and your emotional effort. If you find yourself feeling emotionally exhausted after interacting with someone frequently, it might be time to take a close look at it.
- I realized that for me, honesty is the most important attribute in any type of relationship. This doesn't mean you have to tell me if you are not a natural blond. The type of honesty I am talking about is a way of living your life without pretension, being who you REALLY are when all the lights are off and no one else is around. It is the one thing that makes me feel safe in a relationship. I am so incredibly thankful for the people in my life who will nudge me, and those who will cuff me over the head (*cough* Brian, *cough*) when I am deceiving myself, or not being my authentic self. For the friends who inspire me to be even more honest and real.
- It is important to me that I have relationships with people that inspire me to be a better woman, mom, wife, person.