Random thoughts

I will have to post about the family side of today tomorrow, Im on the laptop, and I can't download all the fun pictures....

On the more "me" side of things, Brian is back home tomorrow. You know, its so funny because we have been doing the "out of town" dance for so long. We both try to be kinda stoic about it, its not like me wailing and holdling onto his pants leg would change things. I know this because I have tried it at least twice...:). There is a special sort of desperation when you have three children under the age of four who are all sick and you haven't slept in a week and a half. You would think I would learn, before I married Brian at least 3/4 of my relationships were guys in a uniform. Maybe I just like what Brian is, a guy who is proud to serve something higher, or greater than himself for the good of everyone else. By now, we are just used to it, but it doesn't change the fact that I miss him when he is gone, can't just pick up the phone to chat (and God bless him, he just never learned the art of chat). The blog has helped, because with my old age, I don't remember little details five days later when he comes home. So its become my memory bank of sorts.

Its a funny little dance we do when he leaves. He is sorta dissassociative, he gets obssessed with packing, and rummaging, and rearranging and all. Its like a sort of nervous energy takes over, or maybe he is old too and is afraid he will forget something vital. I start going into "life without daddy" mode and start gearing up for being on my own. I start acting like its all okay, who cares anyway?, and we will be fine (By the way, Brian, if you are reading this, that is pure bluff... its never okay when you aren't here). During the days the kids and I stay very busy. I mean they are like on jet propelled rocket fuel and I have to run to keep up. I really need to stop feeding them such wholesome foods, maybe koolaid and chips straight for a week would slow them down a bit, do rickets slow a person down?. Its usually after the kids go to bed that I miss him the most. I never feel quite right alone in the house. I like having my own time, but I always worry and my brain goes into hyper drive. I never feel as safe as I do when he is here. I'm always trying not to sleep too deeply "just in case" there is a fire, or an earthquake (Even though we live in Texas) or some other natural disaster. I feel like those poor meerkat sentries up on the rock gaurding the den.

Im looking forward to having him back home....