Monday, January 12, 2009
Momversation Monday: Which is harder, being a wife or a mother?
So the ladies over at Momversation asked the question: Which is harder, being a wife? or being a mom?
I found this question kinda tough to answer. Being married to Brian is very easy. We are low on the drama meter, and we are alot alike in all the right places. Having been in a bad relationship, I know this is a good one.
I love being both wife and mom and I have a feeling that if the only two roles I had to fill were wife and mother maybe it wouldn't be so bad. I have all the right instincts for both jobs. We have added teacher with homeschooling, and then with Brian gone so much I have alot of single mom problems, and with his schedule he relies on me more for his own mundane errands because he doesn't have time..... I think maybe if we had a housekeeper who did all the shopping, cooking and cleaning this would be a non- issue, but we don't, so its the main issue. I just realized... I want an Alice from the Brady Bunch.......
My problem is less with either role and more with the juggling act, trying to get everything done and done right, all at the same time. Its like I am always sacrificing something. Either I sacrifice the housecleaning and management, or the time with the kids, or the couple time, or me time, or school (which isn't even up for debate/sacrifice).
For example, if we have a full school day and then playtime with mom, well, that is an awesome day! But I didn't get the grocery shopping done, so we are going to have to grab something for dinner.... But that isn't what we want to do, we are trying to be more thoughtful with our money, so there is guilt there. Not to mention, Brian needed me to go to the insurance office to pick up paperwork, so I feel guilty about shirking that duty. The house needs attention too, so I feel like that's another craptacular thing I forgot, and I didn't get to the gym for my time... I feel often that I need to clone myself, soon.
I have a problem feeling like I am enough, like what I am doing is enough if it is less than ideal perfection. For some reason, I have a vision of perfection in my head, and when I don't live up to that, I feel guilty and like I am not doing enough. Brian has never made me feel that way, but I make me feel that way. I know its not truth, I know that what I do matters more that what I don't do. But I think that I know that in my head, but I need to believe it in my heart. So in that sense, I feel more guilt over the kids, because they can't do for themselves, whereas if it came down to it, Brian could...... so maybe the mother is the harder job for me just because of the "mommy guilt".